Just having a little pun…

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

How does Moses make his tea?
Hebrews it.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
Details are sketchy.

I used to be a banker,
but then I lost interest.

England has no kidney bank,
but it does have a Liverpool .

They told me I had type-A blood,
but it was a Type-O.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid,
but he says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went,
and then it dawned on me.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity.
I just can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns.
It was a play on words.

Why were the Indians able to settle here first?
They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory.
I hope there’s no pop quiz.

I didn’t like my beard at first.
Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection….
you know urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

What did the mom buffalo say to her kid when she dropped him off to school? Bison.

A man lost his left arm and leg in a terrible work accident…..but he’s all right now.

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

A vas deferens separates a man from a woman.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Two TV antennas got married. The ceremony was terrible, but the reception was excellent.

“Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.” – Harry Secombe

An Englishman, a Scot and an Irishman walk into a pub. The barman says, “Is this some sort of joke?”

Why did Hitler get hit with a baseball? He did nazi it coming.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. justhappeneduponthis
    Jan 19, 2014 @ 04:57:27

    To take the time to provoke a snicker. So few engage in this anymore. Thanks Friend. Perhaps you might visit a new Facebook community page entitled Justhappeneduponthis…Doug


    • Lloyd's of Rochester
      Jan 19, 2014 @ 08:31:48

      Yes, so few do. Thank you for your appreciation! It is so easy to get wrapped up in the increasing drama and angst of our country and our world that we can become humorless and edgy. I deliberately try to maintain a balance because we are all more than “Johnny one-notes,” no matter our special interests. And when I notice I have become lop-sided, I try to “plump” myself back into shape! Thank you for your visit and for reading.


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